White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
