Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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