I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
