phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
