dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
