After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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