i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
