Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
