I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
well you can't waste a boner
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
