Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
