he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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