any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
