Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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