I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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