God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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