the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
