You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
