Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
