just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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