Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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