Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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