I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
