You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
