All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
