you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
