I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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