I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Randomize
