Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
