Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
