Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
