checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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