i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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