I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
