You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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