Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
