would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
