Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
