Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
