These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
