My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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