the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
