I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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