In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
