I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
