Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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