U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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