so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
