What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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