don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
