didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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