It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
