Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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